What I can't stand: Driving version

I have been struggling internally with a big problem that I have while writing this blog.

There are topics about which I really want to write, but I find that my frustrations regarding certain elements of the topic at hand might come off as disrespectful to my new homeland.

I want to be fair. South Carolina and New Hampshire are very different. The way things are done are bound to be different.

But I can't avoid the things that piss me off while writing about my experiences. Because some things do.

To write only about the pleasant surprises that I discover is dishonest.

And frustrating.

There are things I just can't deal with around here. There are things that don't just befuddle me a little bit: they make me wonder what in the hell the people in the Midlands of South Carolina are thinking.

Or if they are thinking at all.

So periodically, I will have to share these frustrations, and potentially annoy some people.

But maybe the annoyed people can help me understand this culture a little better by explaining why things happen the way they do.

So here we go.

Driving.

I will start by saying that people are pretty patient at traffic lights. There is very little honking of horns. And people tend to make complete stops around here. People will even make space to let you into a line that is waiting at a traffic light. Other than that, there are issues with driver conduct and road planning that make-a-me crazy.

Accidents:

There are accidents. All. The. Time.  It is very typical to find the results of and accident at a traffic light or in the middle of an intersection. Basically any time a person is supposed to yield to another, you are likely to find two cars tangled up, waiting for the non-existent police to show up. My daughter, May, and I saw the results of an accident in front of the local Wal Mart just yesterday. It took over a half an hour for Emergency Medical Services to arrive.

Less than two weeks after we moved here, I was yielding at a yield sign to oncoming traffic near the University of South Carolina in Columbia. I got rear-ended.

Then I got honked at for pulling over and checking with the other driver for damage to the car.

Weirdly, I see very few accidents on the highway. Which brings me to

Speeding:

The average highway speed on my morning commute on I-26 is 80 miles per hour. Wait. That's MY average highway speed. Everyone else passes me like I am standing still. I get tailgated if I go less than 80, and frankly, it makes me nervous. The only time speed is reduced is when we approach

Hills:

I have to give credit to May for noticing this one right off the bat. She said "people here just can't deal with hills." And is she ever right. Those who were honking and riding my tail at eighty miles per hour are soon going 50 or less in the middle of a hill. People living in a flat area presumably are not trained to begin preparing for a hill climb by depressing the big peddle on the right a little more firmly. The vast fluctuations in speed are dangerous and cause a lot of swerving and weaving in and out of traffic to gain "advantage", as if this were a NASCAR race rather than a way to return to our loved ones after work.

Cell phones:

It is not illegal to talk on cell phones while driving here. I have watched people navigating dangerous intersections, pulling out of parking spaces, and speeding at 95 miles per hour with kids in the car (without seat belts), all while talking on the phone. I am pretty sure that this is what causes so many of the accidents down here.

Terrible visibility:

Intersections and driveways to businesses nearly always have decorative shrubbery right in the line of sight. Obviously they are not accustomed to removing feet of snow to improve visibility, and therefore consider aesthetics over safety.

Turning left:

I knew I was onto something when one of my coworkers, who has lived in this area for 25 years, laughed at the observation that taking lefts in the Midlands was inadvisable. In order to survive,  it is essential to plan errands in such a way that the only left turns one takes are at traffic lights with left arrows. The combination of speed, terrible visibility, and cell phone driving makes it difficult to gauge effectively and turn left without incident. Which leads to

Debris in the road:

Another reason we try not to take left turns is that they require use of the center turn (or "suicide") lane, which is filed with the remains of previous accidents. During our first month here, we had to replace a tire that had picked up a shard of metal in the turn lane. There seems to be no clean up after an accident. For eight weeks, we tracked the progress of a thick chain in the middle of an intersection near our house. Sure, I could have cleaned it up if I wanted to face the cell phone wielding, speeding, accident prone drivers of our town, but instead I chose to make fun of it. There is always trash and tire chunks in the breakdown lanes of highways as well. For my entire commute, I not only have to face tailgating, speeding cellphone users, but I must also dodge tire shreds without hitting those that surround me, a task made even more difficult by the

Chronic construction:

To be fair, the rest of the state has lovely wide-laned highways that are in good shape. My husband's coworkers, who live in the town where I work, and work in the town where I live, agree that we share the worst possible commute in the state. I-26 has been under construction for years, and on days when I am cranky, the sounds of grooved pavement on my tires for 45 minutes can be a little too much. Lanes are narrow, uneven, grooved, and sometimes closed. My commute, compounded with the other obstacles I face make me feel as skilled as player one in Grand Theft Auto. The unfortunate part is that I cannot push the pause button so I can go get a cup of coffee.

Which I guess I will do now.

Oh who am I kidding? It will be a cup of ice cream.